


If Only My Kids Weren't As Stupid As Yours...

by TheFightingBull



Series: Jinxed, Cursed, Hexed? It's All The Same... [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Deathstroke the Terminator (Comics)
Genre: Bad Humor, Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, Enemies to reluctant allies, Gen, Hansel and Gretel Elements, People Turned Into Cats, Protective Slade Wilson, Slade Wilson Being an Asshole, Trigger Warning for Any Story of Mine : SWEARING and NAME CALLING., Two Very Pissed Off Dads, Your Kids Are Way Dumber Than Mine!, forced to work together, my shitty attempt at humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:55:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26706346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFightingBull/pseuds/TheFightingBull
Summary: Slade Wilson doesn't have a single reliable contact in the magical community. Something about killing them off whenever they inevitably tried to pull one over on him. So he goes to Batman for help because they're both in the same bind. For some stupid reason Slade can't possibly fathom, Joey and Rose went into a house that turned them into cats, and guess who followed? Jason Todd and Dick Grayson, of course. So now Batman will have no choice but to help him get their brats back.That is, of course, if Slade can resist killing the Batman first.
Relationships: (if you squint) - Relationship, Bruce Wayne & Slade Wilson, Jason Todd/Slade Wilson
Series: Jinxed, Cursed, Hexed? It's All The Same... [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2164857
Comments: 34
Kudos: 270





	1. Wayne Manor

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文-普通话 國語 available: [【batfam+喪鐘家】如果我小孩不像你的一樣傻逼就不會… (全員貓化，微量sladejay，授翻)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29432544) by [thesoleil](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesoleil/pseuds/thesoleil)



> This was originally posted on Tumblr and it's so horribly written because I did it on my phone and never bothered to edit the damned thing. So here it is, cleaned up and beta read.

Slade Wilson stood toe-to-toe with Bruce Wayne in the large, private office of Wayne Manor. Any other night or day, some kind of fight would ensue. Whether it was a battle of wits, a test of strength or even a round of fisticuffs. But that wasn’t what Slade had visited the Gotham billionaire for this time. They didn’t have time for petty games that, though neither would ever admit it, they were too evenly matched for a decisive winner to be declared.

“What have you got?” Bruce asked.

“All four of them were turned into  _ cats _ ,” Slade snarled.

Bruce snorted and almost grinned. “I wasn’t aware you had a problem with cats, Slade.”

Slade sneered, and it was testament to how much he missed one of his partners that he immediately thought up a nasty retort. He didn’t speak up, though. Yes, Slade despised cats, but  _ why _ he did was none of Bruce’s business. He didn’t need the Dark Knight of Gotham knowing how easily perturbed Slade was by the sheer disobedience of that particular animal species. Though, if one knew Slade and his controlling ways well enough, it should have been obvious.

“I’m a bit surprised you’ve come to me for help, Slade. Even if it does involve my own, I would have figured you’d try to take care of it all yourself,” Bruce replied.

Slade refrained from rolling his eye, but barely. “Your contacts in the magical community are far more reliable than mine.”

“Deathstroke’s incapable of making or keeping friends. Color me surprised,” the billionaire taunted, and it was all too clear where the sass in all the Robins came from.

“Maybe I just refuse to risk Joey and Rose being stuck as cats for the rest of their lives.”

Bruce’s eyes narrowed. “Then tell me, Slade, did Jason and Dick get themselves turned into cats on their own or did you send them to go help  _ your _ kids knowing what would happen for the purpose of enlisting my help?”

He couldn’t help but smirk at the way Bruce thought. Aside from sass, paranoia and deviancy came from Bruce as well.

“Honestly, Wayne, I can’t say the thought ever crossed my mind.” Slade smiled openly,  _ meanly _ at Bruce. “Though now it makes me wonder if you thought of that because it’s what  _ you _ would have done in my place.”

Bruce changed the subject without answering him. “Why turn our children into cats? Better yet, why go after our kids at all? I know I haven’t received a ransom for either of them.”

With a frown, Slade  _ did _ roll his eye. “Since when do the mages or warlocks of this city need an excuse to be weirdos.”

Once again, Bruce took on the role of Robin as he snickered at Slade. “Careful, your age is showing.”

Slade glared at Bruce. “Excuse me?”

“Weirdo? Bit dated, don’t you think?”

Before he could help himself, Slade gritted his teeth. It was the only tell he allowed on his face, but he was still angry he allowed a tell at all. That facial tic would be the last that would indicate whether or not he’d been offended or irritated by Bruce’s comment.

The younger man was messing with his cell phone, looking every bit the modern mogul in his sleek navy-blue suit and tie ensemble. Normally, Slade hated when his partners or kids ignored him to play with their fucking phones, but he wasn’t about to comment on it. Bruce already made a crack about his age; Slade refused to suffer another.

“The best we can tell, there’s a magical field surrounding the woman’s home. Anyone who passes through the barrier is turned into a cat.” Bruce said as he continued to read and text on his device. “I’m waiting on information for what you and I can do to prevent ourselves from being affected.”

Slade crossed his arms over his chest. “Just how many cats do you think are in there?”

“Taking into account the radius of the barrier and the population surrounding it, and the increase in missing persons cases in that side of town?” Bruce tilted his head back and forth as if calculating his response. “At least two dozen.”

Silence filled the air between them, and Slade noticed immediately the lack of a Robin’s smart-assery. It was a testament to how much Bruce actually missed his two eldest that he spoke up in their place.

“Gives crazy-cat-lady a whole new meaning,” Bruce muttered.

Slade wouldn’t say so aloud, but he missed hearing it from Dick or Jason. It just didn’t sound right coming from Bruce Wayne. It was missing all the energy and personality. From Dick it would have sounded playful and teasing, from Jason it would have been rude and cutting. Slade’s own kids weren’t really the type to throw quips. At least, not that Slade knew of. They’d been Titans for some time, so maybe they were a lot more like the former Robins these days.

“We doing this or what?” Slade growled impatiently, if only to take his mind off the four missing vigilantes and how worried he was for them.

“Patience, Slade. We know where they are,” Bruce stated with obviously feigned calmness. “We just need to wait on a little more information before we go rescue them.”


	2. Outside the Barrier

Slade Wilson was now Deathstroke and Bruce Wayne was Batman. They stood atop an abandoned house in the old, broken down neighborhood where their kids had all been turned into cats. The house was just outside the magical barrier, giving them the opportunity to watch the comings and goings of the house and the many cats that inhabited it.

To their horror they’d seen an angry young man approach the barrier. It made Slade’s blood boil as the man was actually pushed _back_ from the spell. He struggled to go around and when he decided it wasn’t worth trying to figure out how far he needed to walk to get to his destination, he actually forced himself through the barrier!

He was of course turned into a damned cat.

“So apparently,” Slade grumbled. “our kids were stupid enough to do this to themselves. I’m not very inclined to help them anymore.”

Bruce hummed in agreement but didn’t otherwise move as he watched the house closely behind the white lenses of his cowl. Finally, the Batman spoke. “And yet, here we are.”

He flipped Batman off, uncaring whether or not the billionaire bothered to look. Slade wasn’t going to abandon his son or daughter to being cats anymore than Bruce would. Though, it would serve all four of the little snots right if they both left them to figure it out on their own.

Still, Slade couldn’t help but be frustrated by their apparent lack of common sense.

“You’d think one of _yours_ would have gone back for help when the opposite got turned into a cat,” Slade remarked, mostly to irritate and get a rise out of his foe.

Batman finally turned his head and the lenses disappeared as his blue steely eyes narrowed. “The same could be said of _your_ kids.”

With great restraint, Slade resisted the urge to punch Batman. But only just. He had to concede that Bruce was just as accurate in his statement as Slade had been in his. There was no denying how disappointed Slade was with Rose and Joey. He could easily read that same disappointment in Batman of Jason and Dick. All four _knew_ better. They were on the same damned team at different times. They’d all received similar training!

How the hell had they gotten themselves turned into cats?

“And you’re certain all four walked right in?” Batman asked, obviously plagued by the same annoyance with the younger team of vigilantes.

With a sneer hidden behind his mask, Slade nodded. “According to my source, that’s exactly what the morons did.” He stepped closer to the edge of the roof. “Think another Titan or a friend of theirs is in there? Maybe they knew what would happen and thought of a plan to get themselves out?”

Batman sighed heavily, like Slade had dared to interrupt his precious brooding with some theories and questions. How dare he? He looked away from the man in black and stared down at the house that was entirely covered by the magic barrier. It was obviously the source of said magic, too.

“It is possible that one or both duos believed that they’d have their logic to get them out and now they don’t.” Batman finally spoke up. “They all four might have had a plan and now can’t enact it, or maybe it required all four and they’re working on escaping.”

“Nah,” Slade shook his head. “They’d all four try to end the threat before getting out.”

Batman looked up at him and then shook his head. Yeah, Slade hated not knowing anything for certain. Especially as he stared at the ominous smoke that had suddenly begun to waft out of the chimney.

“Think it’s a witch and she’s eating them?”

The Batman nearly fell from the roof at Slade’s comment trying to whip around to glare at him. Slade smiled, wishing he had. It would have at least been amusing to see the great, scary bat of Gotham fall off a roof because of a tasteless remark. It would almost make the thought more palatable if Bruce Wayne fell off a roof in full Batman regalia.

“That’s wood burning, Deathstroke, and we both know it!” Batman snapped. “Don’t tell me you can’t tell the difference between the smell of burning flesh and burning wood! Our kids are _not_ being eaten.”

He shrugged, not quite so certain. Also, continuing on the morbid conspiracy had the added benefit of stressing Batman out.

“You know, you’re as morbid as…,” the bat grumbled as he bit off the name they both knew he meant.

“As?”

“You know who,” Batman looked away and stared back at the house and the worrying amount of smoke escaping the chimney.

“What exactly are we waiting on?” Slade demanded impatiently.

For a moment, he didn’t think Batman would answer. “Zatanna,” he said quietly. “She’s going to give us a couple of items that will prevent us from being transformed, cursed, hexed, or jinked. That takes time though, so be patient.”

Not because he was tired, but mostly out of boredom, Slade took a seat on the edge of the roof. He didn’t like the idea of relying on anyone’s work, but especially a magician he knew was rather young and far less experienced in her own field of expertise than Slade was in killing. It felt like they were blindly moving forward with a plan, just like their own kids had.

Maybe the reason their four idiot children forced themselves passed the barrier was because they too were carrying charmed items that were supposed to protect them. Actually, now that he thought about it, that circumstance alone would be the only way he’d forgive any one of them for being so damned stupid to begin with. Seeing just how insistently one had to struggle to enter made it all the more embarrassing that not one of the four thought they should turn back for help.

“She should be here any minute,” Batman announced. “No killing once we get in there, Deathstroke.”

Slade snorted. “I find a single crumb of evidence that the witch has been eating her victims, I’ll be recreating the ending of Hansel and Gretel. That’s the only promise I’m making.”

Batman’s lips fell into a concerned frowned, but he didn’t argue. Instead he crossed his arms over his chest. “You really _are_ worried that she’s eating them, aren’t you?”

Slade got to his feet and muttered as he did so; “Stories came from _somewhere_ , Batman.”


	3. Inside The House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter didn't get beta read so... if you see something, kindly point it out. Thanks!

Deathstroke and Batman both approached the “no-go” zone of the magical barrier by foot as the moon shone brightly in the sky. Slade ignored the heat radiating off the large medallion hanging from a heavy chain around his neck. The item was one of those commemorative coins of some past event in Gotham. Apparently, they were picked because of their novelty size combined with the fact that they were made of copper which was conductive to Zatanna’s magic.

Speaking of, the magician was standing a few feet away beneath a tree to keep watch. He and Batman would be entering the barrier one at time so that if one was turned into a cat, the remaining of the two and Zatanna would be able to do something about it. If the wards on their oversized coins failed and they both wound up cats, Zatanna would immediately alert the rest of the league and some magical allies.

And that’s what a fucking plan should sound like, because Slade wasn’t as dumb as his son or daughter.

He turned to Batman as they stepped up to the barrier. He didn’t know what Bruce felt, but Slade definitely felt the coin heating up a little more the closer they got to the barrier. Zatanna insisted that would be a good sign and proof that the magic was working.

“This had better work, witch,” Slade growled.

Batman snorted. “You rushed her through the spells because of your fear that a witch is eating our children, but now you pause to threaten her? Are those your nerves talking or are you just going senile in your old age?”

Slade narrowed his eye on the younger man, and once again imagined how glorious it would feel to knock the pretentious bastard’s teeth out! He took a deep breath and started to force himself through the barrier. It had been decided that he was going to go first because, of the two, Batman was the most “trustworthy” and because he could also get along with the Justice League if shit went sideways.

Not that he would ever admit it to Bruce, but the fact was that Slade had been turned into a cat before. It was awful. For that matter, he’d been regressed in age once, too! He knew what magic felt like and he’d been messed with enough to know that Zatanna’s medallion worked. At least for him.

He stood on the other side of the barrier. “Hurry it up, Batman, I’m starting to smell someone cooking.”

“Ha. Ha,” Batman said as he stepped through and to Slade’s ultimate irritation, remained a man. “No killing, Deathstroke.” 

Slade didn’t bother answering as he made his way up the sidewalk to the house’s front door. He simply would not agree to such an asinine restriction when he didn’t know who or what they were about to be dealing with. He doubted either one of them had ever been so poorly prepared in the past two years between them combined. It just wasn’t in either of their natures to go into a dangerous situation blind.

He tested the doorknob and was only a little surprised to find the door unlocked. While in Gotham that would be a serious no-no, he couldn’t really blame someone for not expecting anything other than cats to be entering the home.

Still, as easy as it was to enter the building, sticking around was more difficult. His enhanced sense were assaulted immediately by the smell of cat feces, mold, dirt and God only knew what else. If not for his impeccable control he would have gagged and choked on the air, even with his damned mask on.

But, Slade was a professional and if Batman could walk into the odor without a full face mask on and not lose his dinner with all the cat piss and shit surrounding them, than dammit; Slade could, too.

A rush of cats entered the dingy, dimly lit living room. There were at least two dozen cats or kittens surrounding them. Well, more accurately they surrounded Batman. They all mewled, yowled, and meowed, begging for help as several stood on their hind legs and with their front paws stretched up in a pleading manner.

Only one cat approached Slade. It sauntered forward lazily and rubbed up against Slade’s leg only once, then sat and stared up at him, patiently waiting. “I hate cats, Kid,” He warned but still bent down and picked it up.

It was a black cat with white “socks” and a white streak between its black ears. There was no reason not to assume it wasn’t Jason. It’s teal eyes practically glowed as it stared up at him. Slade, for reasons that were none of anyone’s business, was well aware that Jason despised cats as much as himself. He didn’t doubt for a moment that the irritated cat was humiliated at being rendered so low.

He caught Bruce’s glare as a black cat ran up Batman’s cape and perched itself on his left shoulder. “How do you know that’s Red Hood?”

Slade shrugged his broad shoulders. “Same way we both know that one is Nightwing.”

He looked about the flock of cats and frowned when he realized he couldn’t tell where his own brats were. Another confession that Slade would never make was that the real reason he’d opted for Batman was that his kids wouldn’t trust him. They would trust Nightwing, possibly Hood, but really it was the Batman they’d put their faith in.

No matter which side of the law those two were on, one thing had always been certain. Joey and Rose _weren’t_ on Slade’s side. Never would be. Slade was okay with that, though. He didn’t want to endanger them. Enhanced though they both might be, neither were as a durable as he was. They also didn’t have his will to survive.

He looked over the present group of felines and frowned. He scanned the disgusting living room and saw into the kitchen on the other side of Batman. There was hallway too that likely led to bedrooms or bathrooms.

Something was missing though.

“Where’s the witch?” Slade asked.

Batman tried to push some of the cats aside without being too aggressive. “We should have encountered her by now,” the billionaire agreed. “Shoo! Get!”

Slade couldn’t help but laugh as the Batman tried make his was through the throngs of cats begging him for help. It wasn’t immediately clear if the cats could understand what was being said, but there wasn’t any doubt that they had some kind of logic. After all, they recognized the Slade and Batman well enough to know they should fear one and embrace the other.

“Red here is purring,” he helpfully informed Batman. “Seems he finds your predicament amusing, too.”

Batman didn’t respond to the goading as he reached up and gently took hold of Grayson. The cat didn’t fight the hold and allowed the man to remove him from his perch.

“Ravager! Jericho?” Slade called loudly. It wasn’t done specifically to get their attention, but rather to see if he could get the attention of the witch. “Get your asses out here, now!”

He and Batman braced themselves as they heard light, but quick footsteps from the kitchen. Female, most likely. Frail and skinny, the witch had to be closer to Slade’s true age with as small as she sounded. Batman grabbed one of his bat-a-rangs while Slade pulled his staff with his free hand.

The witch finally emerged, and Slade glared angrily. “Are you fucking serious?”

Standing before him and Batman was a small, filthy child. Her brown hair was heavily matted and she wore a stained Moana t-shirt and matching pants. She smiled up at them, her two front top teeth missing. In her hands was an old wicker basket with two cats being carted around. A Russian Blue with a missing eye and a long furred yellow and orange Tabby.

The little girl bounced excitedly, jostling Ravager and Jericho in her carrier for them. “Are you here to play?” she asked with a large smile. Before either of them could answer, her smile dropped. “Hey! How come you two ain’t cats, too?!”


	4. Leaving The House

The dirty child’s smile dropped as she stared up at them skeptically. “Hey! How come you two ain’t cats, too?!”

At once, Rose jumped from the basket and clawed her tiny “blue” butt up Slade’s leg armor and onto his free arm. She perched herself on his shoulder and growled low before emitting a hiss toward the little girl and her brother.

Joey didn’t move from the basket as he yowled angrily at his sister.

Batman didn’t seem to know what to do, but Slade did. He wasn’t going to wait for the little girl to pop off some spell and screw them all over just because she was a child.

“Reverse the magic, brat!” Slade barked. “Or I’ll skewer your tiny heart on my sword.”

“ **Deathstroke!** ” Batman snarled.

Slade knew his comment hadn’t settled well with Dick, Joey, Jason, or Rose either. Jason had tried to claw into his arm through the ikon suit. Dick hissed from his perch atop Batman’s shoulders and Joey had done much the same from the baske. Rose hadn’t hissed but she batted at his face with both of her front paws.

Still, Slade didn’t take it back.

Despite the threat and the concern the others had, the girl didn’t appear at all frightened by Slade. If anything, she looked a little sheepish as she looked around and tears filled her big brown eyes. “But I don’t know how!”

Before Slade had the chance to lose his temper, Batman stepped forward as Nightwing jumped down to the ground beside the girl. While Nightwing rubbed against the girl’s leg to comfort her, Slade watched as Joey jumped out of the basket and took to Batman’s side.

Traitor.

Slade was there, wasn’t he? He was the one leading the damned rescue. Hell, he was the one who discovered the problem to begin with! Did it really matter that it was become a certain member of the missing quartet had missed an appointment with him? It wasn’t like Batman would have known at all without Slade’s tip.

Batman tried to approach her cautiously but they both knew she was gonna bolt. Slade could see it in the tensing of her little body and the way her eyes darted back toward the kitchen she’d just come from. When Batman chose to back off and step back, Slade made his move and reached out to grab her.

The child whimpered in fear as Slade grabbed her wris, but it wasn’t Batman or and of his kids that attacked him. A large, long-haired Persian with a green eye and a brown eye attacked with a vicious snarl. It latched onto his mask with it’s claws as the teeth tried to get at his eye.

He grabbed the cat by the scruff and tossed it somewhat forcefully to the ground, but it didn’t look stunned or phased. It was already getting ready to pounce again, standing protectively in front of the little girl. In an instant, Slade knew what had gone wrong.

Slade held his hands up and backed up toward Batman, keeping eye contact with the pissed off feline. As soon as he was close enough, he spun on the Batman and caught hold of the medallion clipped to the man’s utility belt and tore it off; the Batman immediately turned into a gray and black stripped tomcat.

Not caring if he was attacked by any of the cats that had dislodged, fallen, or leaped off him during all the movement, he once more lunged for the little girl. The Persian predictably dove at him. Slade pressed the medallion against the feline and prepared to catch whoever it turned into.

In his arms he held a petite woman with dark brown. She clung to him with one arm and her legs while her free hand gripped the medallion tightly to her stomach. “Oh, thank God you aren’t stupid as you are tall!”

Slade snorted but gently set her down. “How long before you fix your kid’s mess? I have two or three partners suffering thanks to her getting a hold of _your_ spell books.”

The mildly attractive young woman scowled up at him but then turned her furious gaze on what Slade had assumed was her daughter. “Sadie Mae Davenport you get to your room this instant before I turn you into a mouse!”

The little girl’s face turned red and scrunched up before she bellowed and cried in an epic tantrum befitting so young a child. Still, she did as she was told and ran into a hallway before a door slammed shut and her wailing became muffled.

The witch didn’t pursue her but instead pocketed the medallion and rolled up the sleeves of her dark blue sweater. She grumbled under her breath, something about “six damned months” and “worthless ass superheroes not even noticing.” Which, Slade decided, was fair.

How had Batman and the Gotham team missed it?

“I couldn’t give a shit about your plight lady,” Slade growled, grabbing her attention. “Just fix these people.”

Yet again the woman wasn’t at all intimidated which meant she couldn’t have known who he was.

“Watch it, Mister, or I’ll turn half to mice and keep the others as cats,” she hissed. “I need a moment to collect my thought before I go snapping off spells! Unless of course you’d like me to make a mistake and turn them into something else instead.

The threat didn’t sit well with Slade, no matter how reasonable the woman’s foul mood was. He was about to tell her off when five cats jumped on or at him, yowling, hissing and snarling. Okay, so maybe pissing off a witch before his kids were returned to their natural state wasn’t the best of ideas.

The witched looked at her home and a deep body shudder overtook her small frame. Her skin paled and took on a green tint as she observed the absolutely filth her home was covered in. If it had been Slade, that little girl would be the one cleaning every damned inch of the house. That seemed a rather suitable punishment for the little brat.

Instead of calling for her daughter, the witch raised her hands and mumbled some kind of hocus pocus and over the course of about five minutes, the house became livable. The stench was gone and the place appeared immaculate.

Slade wondered if that was because of a few illusory spells or if the place really was back to a pristine condition.

“Seems you got the basics down,” Slade muttered. “You gonna give turning these cats back into people a try?”

She frowned and looked at the dozens of cats surrounding them. “I could mess up.”

“How bad are we talking?” Slade asked as he stepped closer.

He couldn’t help that he towered over her; but he decided he’d better not get into her space again as she literally jumped back from in fear. At least her attitude had relaxed enough for her to realize who the real threat in the room was.

“If I mess up badly enough, some could die,” she admitted when he didn’t get back into her space. “I can make up some tea or coffee. That should give me a moment or two to make sure that I really am in control of my magic.”

“I’d hate to find out the house was a fluke,” Slade sneered.

“Me, too,” she agreed.

“ _But_ we are on a time limit,” Slade informed her. “Batman and I don’t show up on the outside of this house soon, the Justice League will get involved.”

Her eyes widened in alarm.

“What are the chances that you fuck up the spell?”

She bit at her lip and then looked around as if doing a mental tally. She winced as her shoulders came up. “I can get them all human, easy. But,” she held up a finger before he could press her to get it done and over with. “ _But,_ there is fifty-fifty chance that when I turn them back to human they lose all gear and clothing.”

It wasn’t terrible, all things considered, though Slade had to admit that his identity wasn’t required to be a secret. Besides, with Zatanna close by, couldn’t she wipe out everyone’s memories? Or would that be even harder? He would have rubbed at the bridge of his nose if his mask weren’t still on.

“Say you let it go,” Slade asked as he felt a cat leap onto his shoulder. Black and white flashed from his peripheral of his only eye and he smiled to himself. “Say you decide to let the magic take it’s course. How long?”

She tilted her head back and forth and then sighed. “Honestly, it’s the safest option, but it will be the slowest,” she said. “Once I take down Sadie’s spell, the magic should wear off within twenty four hours and everyone effected by the spell will return to their human states with all their clothing, gear, or whatever else they had on them when they became cats.”

Slade nodded. It was decided. He might not care too much if the Batman got fucked over, but the kids didn’t need to go through that. Even if they did deserve it for getting magicked up by a damned child in the first fucking place!

“What are you gonna do about your daughter?” Slade asked, letting his voice sound as threatening and lethal as he was. “I don’t think I need to tell you just how pissed I’ll be if something like this ever happens to my own again.”

She blanched, the first show of real terror. “N-niece and yes. I know what you will do should it happen again, but you have to believe me, I don’t keep my books just lying about!”

“Then how did it happen?” He growled, purposely leaning toward her and pleased when his intimidation was successful.

“When my sister Lydia died, Sadie came to stay with me. I assumed,” she paused and grimaced. “I know stupid. I know. But I assumed that Lydia had put away all of her spell books. After a week of being a cat I discovered Lydia’s spell book under Sadie’s bed.” She only took another moment before she brought up her hands and pleaded with him. “I promise you; I will take care of this. Just don’t hurt her, please.”

Slade was sorely tempted to instill more fear into the woman but he felt a low warning rumble come from Jason. “What’s your name?”

“Alexis,” she offered with a hopefully a smile. “But you can call me Lex or Lexi.”

“Tell you what, _Alexis_ , I’m going to take two cats—” several hissed and a few cats got close enough to butt their heads into his legs. “Alright, fine! Five cats. I’m going to take five cats out of the circle. You can decide what to do with the others. I’m sure keeping them here until they turn human will present its own set of risks to you and Sadie, but Batman and Nightwing will not tolerate even one of these people being run over by a car, either.”

He started to head toward the door when the black and gray striped cat stepped in front of him and hissed.

“What the fuck now, Batman?” Slade all but shouted.

Jason pressed his head against Slade’s mask and then looked back toward the woman. He sighed and realized the problem. They were all worried about what would happen when dozens of men and women and children all became human. What would happen to the little witch and her niece.

“Like it’s our fucking problem! There are consequences to ones actions!” Slade said.

Maybe, if Slade had been been getting paid, would he consider protecting the woman and her ward. Maybe. But not getting paid? No. He wasn’t a fucking superhero. He was a mercenary and assassin. If he wasn’t getting paid, he wasn’t doing it.

Unless of course it was about his partner or kids or whatever.

But witches he didn’t know who’d been a major pain in the ass? No.

“You aren’t going to be able to stop me, hairball,” Slade hissed down at Batman. “If you’re leaving I suggest you fall in. Otherwise, you can all stay here and deal with the angry mob yourselves.”

Not at all to his surprise, Nightwing, Batman, Ravager and Jericho moved to stand beside the witch. They all four hissed and mewled toward Red Hood, but the cat remained calmly on Slade’s shoulder. He’d made his decision and that was fine by Slade.

He turned once and looked at the witch. “If anything goes wrong, Alexis, anything at all; there’s no where that you or Sadie can hide from me. Understand?”

“Of course,” she swallowed and then went about countering or turning off, or whatever it was to her niece’s spell.

He took one last look at the four heroes choosing to stay behind. “Good luck,” he snorted before he and Jason walked out of the house.

As soon as they were past the barrier, Zatanna approached nervously, her eyes searching and concerned.

“Where are the others?”

“The witch took down the spell but it nervous about reversing it’s effects on so many people at once. She felt it was better to let it wear off.”

“That doesn’t explain where Batman and the others are,” Zatanna snapped.

Slade shrugged, ignoring the way Jason’s claws got between bits of his arm to hold on through the movement. “They chose to protect her from the people as they turn back to humans,” he explained and then as he started to head for his vehicle he stopped and looked back at her. “There’s no telling what order they’ll become human in. I’m sure they could use your help if they’re stuck as cats when the mob becomes mostly human.”

The young woman’s eyes widened and she immediately got on her comms to request back up. Feeling as though he’d done all he wanted and far more for the situation, Slade moved on. He ignored the warmth of pride as Jason began to purr and press his head into Slade’s mask.


End file.
